so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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