did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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