Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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