I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
