my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
