Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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