your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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