dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
