Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
