I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's blow job season.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
