I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
