Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
