New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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