Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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