I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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