Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How does it feel to date your dad?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
