I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
