At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
