And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
