Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
