I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
please come you make the beer taste better
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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