Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
