I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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