he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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