I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
