saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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