don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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