If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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