i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Soap is not a condiment
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
