i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
