If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
