I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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