i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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