I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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