I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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