i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
