Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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