I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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