is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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