That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
