What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
