i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
