Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
