Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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