Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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