Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
