Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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