He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
