Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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