Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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